Saturday, June 13, 2015

Trust, Surrender and Rebellion

RE: Accidents happen for a purpose-or do they? 

After a smashing fall a few months ago my take away is yes. I learned to give and receive in a way I would never have encountered on purpose.  A cost of living example that actually reawrds the one paying the price!

I have been learning to listen with my gut and so far  it is the best way to describe the inner knowing channel. What we choose to pick up is a mystery and yet when something reiterates again and again in many ways, through many people and situations, well so be it. I am learning to pay attention and try to learn from the experience. I believe it is how we learn to navigate our soul path, destiny or that potential inside us that struggles to grow.

As our culture doesn't even have a decent vocabulary for this emergence, i am making it up as I go. Many others are doing in kind, so i know i am not alone, though our accounts differ and so do the words. Eventually words will attach and knowledge will spread through the realm.

Anyway, my rather unsettling year seems to be dancing around the concept of  "trusting  others."

It really grabbed me when i slipped on the concrete steps at the UW campus one day prior to April Fool's Day. A gentle rain was falling and i was all psyched by a class in biological evolution. I wanted to see if the leaps would be explored and/or at least get some current information about them.

I was on my way to check out a media/video class across the campus, jostling book bag and handbag and being unmindful. .

So i ran into fate.  A double flight of concrete steps, slippery where the old aggregate had been polished by pedestrians over the years, took me down. 

The thing that irks me is that I almost grabbed the handrail but a voice in my head over ruled this bit of common sense.  That voice belonged to a therapist that had told my dad to not look down, to walk "normal" so his kinetic abilities weren't hampered. (not verbatim, just the essence) That "voice
 of authority" hijacked my brain.  I took a dive and slid down several stairs. According to one witness "i surfed."

Free falling feels slow motion enough to feel regret. I landed and picked my head up, then eased myself into a sitting position. That was as good as it got. Trouble.

Several students gathered around, asking to help, being wonderfully solicitous.  They were adorable and i so appreciated their empathy, concern and just for stopping.  A campus security woman showed up and called 911. One young woman started to go to class then returned, saying she couldn't leave until I was "rescued."  I fell in love with them all.

Now trust for the human being is one thing and trust in the authoritative command is quite another. However sitting there in pain and comforting others, I surrendered to the moment. No anger, no blame or shame or attempts to rewind time was useful at the moment. I surrendered to destiny and changed my position to look for the "lesson." Some days it is all there is!

To be continued.